Howdy there Miners, Panic Sellers, and HODLers! The crypto economy is so wild these days, it seems that every ICO or token sale is either overlooked, panned, or irrevocably overfunded by a smoothie of Russian Oligarchs and Chinese teenagers.
There’s one coin, however, I just can’t seem to wrap my head around, so I figured I’d do some thorough research and review so the rest of us don’t have to.
- 100% Premined
- Infinite Supply
- Trillions created each year
- Devs are known scammers
- Devs intentionally manipulate the market
- Created from Nothing
- Backed by Nothing
US Dollar Overview
Symbol: USD ($)
Sale Opening Date: April 2, 1972
Sale Closing Date: Implosion of Liberal Democracy
Market Cap: Between 1.2 to 100 trillion
Hard Cap: ∞
Minting: As Treasury sees fit, ~1 million dollars a day
Whitepaper: No, green.
Utility: Can buy nuclear weapons. Forces global economy to accept as payment.
Distribution: 99% allocated to whales.
Concept + Objective
Scalable + liquid medium of economic exchange between parties, to be coveted within/rot the souls of men.
Team + Background
Creators: Department of the Treasury of the United States of America
Fort Knox: Increasingly Irrelevant
Volatility: Oddly Negligible
During Fiscal Year 2014, the Bureau of Engraving and Printing delivered approximately 6.6 billion notes to the Federal Reserve, producing approximately 24.8 million notes a day with a face value of approximately $560 million.
Can you provide some details on the miner reward schedule for USD?
Well, it’s not a set formula really, we just print them when we need to. Usually for some sort of banking crisis.
Oh whoa, so no fixed supply? What percentage of nodes have to agree on how much is printed?
Well, there aren’t really nodes per se, it’s sort a handful of guys that we trust won’t abuse the system. They’re pretty smart about this whole economics thing. I mean, we haven’t worked out predicting the crashes, but we’re getting faster about turning on the printing press.
How much was pre-mined for the developers?
Well, like I said, there are no developers, they’re more like, uh… forecasters? We give them what we print and they make sure it’s distributed for a small percentage cut. On the bright side, never having software improvements means we can’t introduce bugs!
As we understand it, you’ve already had USD in circulation for well over 100 years. Can you tell us how you’ve used it in the past to create a healthy balance sheet for the nation?
We’ve done an excellent job of creating a comprehensive lending platform with the USD in circulation. In fact, we’ve borrowed more USD than any other organization, private or public, in the history of lending. Don’t worry, though: our credit is phenomenal.
For an up to date look at just how much we borrow, check here!
The top 10% hold 76% of the coins.
The USD seems like a fairly stable and reliable investment for years to come. Despite an annual inflation rate of 2%, I can’t seem to shake my faith in this coin. I’m even considering liquidating some of my WebVan shares to purchase more USD. That being said, it’s not for everyone, especially considering some of the serious red flags that might turn less-than-bullish investors away.
Probably the most concerning factors are the lack of hard cap, disproportionate distribution to whales, baroque illustrations, contagious ideology, uncertain market volumes, counterfeit vulnerability, and unchecked minting power of the core team. Also, I’m not entirely sure why the USA needs a custom token. Can’t they just use Bitcoin or Ethereum? If you can see past these, however, you may find yourself in my camp: simultaneously spending, hoarding, and hating USD.
Let me know what you guys think of USD. Do you already own some? Will you be purchasing? Anything I missed? Reply below with your comments or reach out on Twitter.
Is this post satire? Maybe. Do your own research.