We’re on the cusp of a new, decentralized Internet. On May 6, I traveled out to Silicon Valley for an exclusive Q&A with Pied Piper’s Jared Dunn and Bertram Gilfoyle.
What is PiedPiperCoin?
“We at Pied Piper are building a decentralized Internet. Welcome to the web you never knew you wanted. Not yet though. Launch date TBD.”
~Richard Hendricks, CEO
ICO Alert Quick Facts
- Revolutionary new Internet built on efficient middle-out manipulation of data
- 1 PPC = $0.07
- Winners of Silicon Valley’s TechCrunch Disrupt 2014
Q&A with Bertram Gilfoyle and Jared “Donald” Dunn, Chief Systems Architect and COO of Pied Piper
ICO Alert: For those who are not familiar with Pied Piper, can you explain what it is, and what the team aims to accomplish?
Gilfoyle: Beneath the flashy homepages of your favorite sites lurk evil theistic corporations out to hoard and sell your personal data. Pied Piper replaces that with a truly free, decentralized Internet.
ICO Alert: How does the PiedPiperCoin token (PPC) function within the platform and why is it needed?
Gilfoyle: Our decentralized Internet will be technically and ideologically superior to the feudalistic collection of hypertext protocols we call today’s Web, but we’re not going to succeed if we don’t incentivize users. PiedPiperCoin will be our incentivization mechanism.
Users will earn PiedPiperCoin just for signing up, contributing device resources, or using our developers’ apps.
Then they can sell PPC for worthless green cotton paper or lambos. Or if they’re in the unique category of incompetence referred to in common parlance as “Dinesh,” they can buy equally worthless gold chains or Teslas.
ICO Alert: We often like to ask the community for questions. When I visited Pied Piper’s Telegram yesterday, though, the channel was spammed repeatedly with a message from @Fiona saying “Richard is a liar who will sell you for parts.”
Gilfoyle: Here it comes. Disgusting. Jared, that was a new carpet. And I still fail to see why you are not pleased that we have managed to postpone the advent of the machines.
ICO Alert: We know that Chief Evangelist Officer Ehrlich Bachman was a large part of Pied Piper’s early success, and we send our sincerest condolences for his passing away. However, we’ve also heard rumors that Richard Hendricks is moving on to Verizon’s marketing department… is there any truth to this?
Jared: Richard and I are in strong agreement that Pied Piper is his home. In today’s tech industry there are a lot of changes, and shuffling of team members. To cope with changes, I simply imagine that my skeleton is me and my body is my house. That way, I’m always home.
We all have to cope with loss sometimes. I learned by the time I was four years old that everyone you look up to might one day just leave you to die in the parking lot of a TGI Fridays.
ICO Alert: Pied Piper is known for accidentally deleting thousands of hours of premium content, which opened the door for Verge (XVG) to seize a sizable portion of your potential business last month. How do you plan to rebuild consumer trust?
Jared: Our minimum viable product was very successful. We successfully distributed offensive adult content to the screens of smart refrigerators in millions of innocent homes in a…
Jared: in a… simulation of our…
Gilfoyle: What Jared is trying to say is that we ran an intense Monte Carlo simulation with an extensive set of variables compiled by our coding stallions here in Silicon Valley. In all of the most feasible situations, the profitability of PiedPiperCoin, like Lucifer, ascended the throne of heaven. In fact, I have successfully demonstrated that PiedPiperCoin has a 98.745% chance of making 100% profit.
ICO Alert: PPC as a ticker is taken by PeerCoin, the first proof-of-stake coin. Are you trying to ride on PeerCoin’s coattails? Or perhaps ignoring it as you have other decentralized Internet projects like Shift, Substratum, etc?
Gilfoyle: Claims of ownership over specific alphabetical patterns are yet another form of tyranny. Under an oppressive system of exclusive ticker symbols, cryptocurrencies rife with incompetence and irrelevance can oppose true innovation by squatting on letter combinations best suited to more worthy coins.
This is survival of the fittest, and most new cryptocurrency investors are primarily attracted by superior letter combinations. The tech, the team, the technicals, none of that matters to them. Just the attractiveness of the letter combinations.
We will dominate the PPC ticker and shove the pathetic PeerCoin into the realms of forgotten failures like MySpace, Pets.com, theism, and Dinesh’s work history.
ICO Alert: As a non-PiedPiperCoin question, we like to ask for unique predictions for the ICO and cryptocurrency space in the future. Where do you see both in the next 3–5 years?
Gilfoyle: When we began, I told Richard that there are very few things I defend with true passion. Medical marijuana, the biblical Satan as a metaphor for rebellion against tyranny, and mother****ing g*dd*mn cryptocurrency.
Gone are the days of “relying” on “trusted” intermediaries, and here is the utopian future. Netizens should be able to pay for any good they want. In any way they want. Without any government looking in.
The next disruption will be the constitutions of world governments. Anarchy may finally take its proper throne as the political system of choice.
The main ICO began on May 7, 2018 and felt like it ended mere seconds later.
Accepted currencies for PiedPiperCoin include ETH, BTC, and SATAN.
Use of ICO Proceeds
View the PiedPiperCoin website here.
View the only comprehensive list of active and upcoming Initial Coin Offerings (ICOs) here.
Co-authored with Evan Schindler.
For the culturally unaware: Silicon Valley is a comedy on HBO. Please don’t try to send any money to Pied Piper. ICO Alert and this satire report are not in any way affiliated with Silicon Valley or HBO.